Many, many, many times in my articles, in my FB lives on Conversations with Sherry Anshara, the“dia(die)agnosis of Anxiety is at the very core, the very place of anxiety is and always is Unrealistic Expectations. How can this be?
Without reliving, redoing, or re-enacting traumas, misunderstandings, or just plain not having the capacity at a certain age or stage of life to “comprehend”, let alone understand and forget “knowing” about something, the Duality Left Computer Brain is set up through the limitations of the programming to “instill” unrealistic expectations in everyone and anyone. No judgment, please! Just stating a fact.
Look through some of your own experiences, without judging, as the stance of NEO Non-Emotional Observer and recall some of the conversations that “adults” had with you as a child. What happens is that “adults” forget their years of experiences, conscious or not, that they will unknowingly project onto children or kids.
Here’s a good one. Love this…NOT! “Act your age!!!” What the two years, 10 year old, 15-year-old, all right you get it, are acting their age. The “Adult”, again no judgment, is, in fact, “judging” their child or the child of someone else with this unrealistic expectation comment… “Don’t they know how to act…to the two-year-old? OMG, Then they label the two-year-old as the terrible two. Well, what does that do for the child when they turn three? Are you kidding me? This is how behaviors get screwed up. Again not judging the so-called adult!
The adult is judging a child, by their own unrealistic expectations placed on them in their past as a “terrible two”! WHAT? The adult is judging a child, by their own unrealistic expectations placed on them in their past as a “terrible two”! WHAT? Again this is not a judgment. Parents learn to parent from their parents. In Duality there are so many ideas globally of what a good parent is or a good parent is not. These belief systems have to be “con”fusing for any parent. And for the child as well.
In many cultures, again without judging, having a roof over your head, clothes on your back, and food on the table is a perfect example of being a good parent. What is usually not considered is the “contract” with a child. Each child and each parent have different contracts. These contracts are not the same for every child in the family. Though it is the same family, the same idea of the familial belief systems in a certain time frame, in a certain place, in a certain country, in a certain background, the children can be as different as night and day. Even with an only child, this is the contract!
Wow, wouldn’t it be amazing if parents were educated about the contracts and the differences in behaviors, profiles, and roles of each child? Wouldn’t it have been wonderful for the parents currently to know about the contracts they had with their parents in the decades they experienced?
In my own family, the differences between me and my siblings is off the charts. I love it. The differences make each person who they are. The similarities are great also. Yet the differences, when accepted by each, create and make a deeper relationship not just based upon the label of the people involved. The labels of mother, father, sister, brother, aunt, uncle, grandmother, grandfather, cousin, etc.
There is nothing wrong with an identifier. Yet in these labels or identifiers, there are many times unrealistic expectations of how each person assigned to that label is supposed to act, to be, to something or other to each other. Be Your Self! So the other person can be his or her Self!
In my own case, my sister, who is twelve years older than me was actually more of a mom to me. My mother was more formal, so I called her Mother! To call her mom in her idea was not respectful. Which is okay, not a judgment of any kind. She expected to be called Mother. Yet, the closeness I had to my sister, again who is like a mom to me, was much deeper and closer. Just a fact.
My mother was more serious. My sister, on the other hand, I could joke with her and make her laugh, though, at times, she was serious like our mother. We actually teach each other how to treat each other. This is not good, bad, or indifferent and yet in judgment, it can be good, bad, and indifferent. This is the perfect place for one of my favorite Sherryism.
“HOW I AM TREATED IS NOW I GIVE PEOPLE PERMISSION TO TREAT ME…INCLUDING
… HOW I TREAT MYSELF!” SHERRYISM THIS IS HOW RELATIONSHIPS WORK
EVEN WITH OUR SELVES!!
As you, I, and all of us realize with “real eyes” that we can set each up, known as the set up to create and actualize unrealistic expectations because of our ideas, or belief systems about how we are supposed to act with each other. When we add the word out… we are acting “out” more times than not in ways that support these unrealistic expectations.
Then what happens, the behavior that is actualized in the relationship through the conversations based upon the labels can cause a more superficial conversation instead of a connected one. More like in unrealistic expectations, each of the individuals involved in the relationship is so left computer brain involved, that a more “real” deeper connection is difficult to make or create.
Unrealistic expectations can more times than not lead to becoming anxious. Then a “dia(die)agnosis is assigned as Anxiety. Anxiety is “unrealistic expectations”! There are so many more options. Perhaps by moving beyond the label in the relationships, and seeing each other as individuals, as amazing people in each other lives, the relationships can expand beyond the limitations of a label. Unrealistic expectations are eliminated!
TO BE OR NOT TO BE… IS NOT THE QUESTION. YOU CAN NOT NOT BE…IT IS
IMPOSSIBLE… YOU ARE BEING ALIVE AND ENGAGED IN LIFE. CONNECT TO
YOUR SELF FIRST AND THEN TO EACH OTHER…REGARDLESS OF THE LABEL!
DO NOT WASTE A MOMENT BEING ANXIOUS…BE CONNECTED IN LIFE!
|“The opposite of Anxiety is Freedom to be you from your heart”|
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