There are several stages to divorce… Pretend, Denial, Fantasy and Reality Check.

Denial sometimes takes years to get through.  Sometimes the challenges are to recognize and realize with “real eyes’, that the marriage is not working.  Therefore, if the union is at an impasse and there is nothing left to discuss, except the departure, then denial is finally over.  The pressure of the impasse is over and it is no longer the seemingly Night of The Living Dead.  When the union no longer has life it in, then it is time to start living.  Stop living the death of a difficult situation.

The precursor to denial is the pretend stage.  Although this pretend stage can also last a long time, it can also impact the denial stage.  Because “let’s pretend” everything is going well, this stage only heightens the sadness, the depression that something that “was” suppose to work is not working.  It is not that the marriage is broken.  

The relationship is not on the same page anymore Therefore pretending that something is working only prolongs the evitable. You have to recognize if the value of pretending is more valuable than having a healthy divorce, then the pretend/denial will overwhelm and overcome a healthy body and healthy life. Divorce can affect, affect and infect everyone involved especially those who have to take “sides”!

Fantasy shows up when there are second and third irrational thoughts. Couples who have invested lots of time, experiences, and years in the marriage will create fantasy moments that are not based on reality. Fantasy can drive couples back together until the reality check shows up. Both realize with “real eyes’ that the union is really over.  

Moving on in a health manner is the highest and best for everyone involved especially if there are children.  Taking each other out and down does not serve anyone in the relationships. The “real” reality check is to stay non-emotional and do what is best for everyone emotionally, mentally, physically, spiritually and financially.  The achievable results are so much better than taking each other down.  This is not a reality that serves anyone.  Make the reality check benefit everyone.  

Divorce “can be” difficult!  In truth, it does not have to be difficult!  You can both get through these stages with ease and flow.  It can be done!   Be Real for Your Selves and Be Real for everyone involved especially the children whatever age they are!

“Yes, marriage is about who you love….marriage is also about how you love! Love and marriage go together with two conscious partners…that’s how it works!”

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